My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
