walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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