I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
