i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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