I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
