Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
