i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We are all done wearing pants today
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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