hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
