is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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