Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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