I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
