do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
