Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
