Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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