I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
