I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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