Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
