Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
