why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
