How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
