I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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