ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
