I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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