Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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