It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Buhtt sex?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
