Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
