so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
