I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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