I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
