his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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