that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
