Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
