quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
