Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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