He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
