Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
