you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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