I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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