I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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