...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
