Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
