I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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