Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
