Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
