Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
