He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
