I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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