i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
