Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
