things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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