Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
